Merry Christmas from General Strike to end Corruption

The Pause of Mr. Claus
By Arlo Guthrie

This next song we're going to dedicate to a great American organization. I'd like to dedicate this to our boys in the F.B.I.

Well wait a minute it's hard to be an F.B.I. man. I mean first of all, to be an F.B.I. man you have to be over 40 years old and the reason is it takes at least 25 years with the organization to be that much of a bastard. 

Well it's true, you can't just join. It needs an atmosphere where your natural bastardness can grow and develop and take a meaningful shape in today's complex society.

That's not why I wanna dedicate this song to the F.B.I. I mean the job they have to do, is a drag. I mean they have to follow people around, you know that's part of their job.

Follow me around. I'm out on the highway and I'm drivin' down the road and I run out of gas, I pull over to the side of the road, they got to pull over too, make believe that they ran out.

I go to get some gas, they have to  figure out whether to stick with the car or follow me. Suppose I don't come back and their stayin' with the car? Or if I fly on the airplane, sometimes I get there and there's only one seat. Suppose he gets on and fills the last seat? So you can't get on, then he gets off, then you can get on and what's he going to do.

Well it's a drag for him, but that's not why I wanna dedicate this song to the F.B.I. During these hard days and hard weeks, everybody always has it bad once and awhile. 

You know you have a bad time of it and you always have a friend that says "hey man, you ain't got it that bad-look at that guy". And you look at that guy and he's got it worst than you. And it makes you feel better that somebodies got it worse than you. But think of the last guy for one minute.

Think of the last guy, nobodies got it worst then that guy, nobody in the world.

That guy, he's so alone in the world, that he doesn't have a street to lay in for a truck to run him over.

He's out there with nothin'. Nothin's happenin' for that cat. And all he has to do, to create a little excitement in his own life, is to bum a quarter from somewhere, call up the F.B.I.

And when the F.B.I. answers, say I dig ISIS. And I'm inviting Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and his friends over for dinner.

Then hang up the phone. And within two minutes and not two minutes from when he hangs up the phone, but two minutes from when he first put the quarter in, they got 30 thousand feet of tape rollin'. Files on tape, pictures, movies, dramas, actions on tape. Then they send out a half million people all across the entire world, the globe, to find out all they can about this guy. 

'Cause there's a number of questions involved in this guy. I mean if he was the last guy in the world, how'd he get a quarter to call the F.B.I.? There are plenty of people who aren't the last guy that can't get quarters. He comes along, he gets a quarter. I mean if he had to bum a quarter to call the F.B.I., how was he going to serve dinner, for all those people?

How could the last guy make dinner for all those people and if he could make dinner and was going to make dinner then why'd he called the F.B.I?

They find out all those questions within two minutes and that's a great thing about America. 

I mean this is the only country in the world, well it's not the only country in the world that could find out stuff in two minutes. But it's the only country in the world that would take two minutes for that guy. Other countries would say he's the last guy, f'em, you know. But in America, there is no discrimination and there is no hypocrisy. 'Cause they'll get anybody. And that's a wonderful thing about America. 

And that's why tonight, I'd like to dedicate this to every F.B.I. man in the audience. I know you can't say nothin'. Ya know you can't get up and say: "hey", 'cause then everybody knows that you're an F.B.I. man. And that's a drag for you and your friends. Their not really your friends, are they?  

So you can't get up and say nothin'. 'Cause otherwise, you got to get sent back to the factory. And that's a drag for you. And an expense for the government.  And that's a drag for you.  

We're going to sing you this Christmas carol. This is for all you bastards in the audience. It's called 'the Pause of Mr. Claus'.

Why do you sit there so strange?

Is it because you are beautiful.

You must think you are deranged.
Why do police guys beat on peace guys?

You must think Santa Claus weird, he has long hair and a beard. Giving his presents for free.

Why do police guys mess with peace guys?

"Lets get Santa Claus."

'Cause Santa Claus has a beard, he must be a terrorist.

He has long hair, could be a pacifist.

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

Santa wears a red suit, must be a Communist.

Why do police guys beat on peace guys?

Mr. Claus delivers suspicious packages in the middle of the night, let's kidnap him, ship him out of the country & torture him, 'cause were so uptight.

Merry Christmas from General Strike to end Corruption.

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