Alex Jones claims he was Raped and Probed by 1,400 Syrian Martian Muslim Refugees

By Christopher R Rice

I've spent all night on the phone with a sobbing Alex Jones. Trying to calm him down enough to hear his story through his sobs and crying.

He says that on his way home from the local bar he ran into a kid wearing a hoodie. Alex says that as he stumbled and reached for his side arm, he says he felt a warmness down his leg. He says that he thought he must've got shot in the leg, even though the kid wasn't armed. But, upon further inspection, Alex says he just wet himself.

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And by the time he found his gun and released the safety, he realized the kid with the hoodie had kept walking and was down the road. Alex says he realized that peeing upon himself must've saved him from getting robbed by that kid in the hoodie. And kept walking to his car.

But before he could reach his car he saw 13 bright lights coming at him from the sky. Some kind of hover craft, as Alex describes it, lands right in the parking lot, where he's standing.

Related article: Alex Jones claims Orlando was “false flag” attack due to Muslim migration, yet shooter was born in U.S. 

Alex says he was so excited he was finally going to get the proof he needed that Obama does not have a birth certificate because he's an alien being from another planet. That he dropped his revolver and reached for his cell phone to catch the event on video. But his battery was so low on his iPhone that he couldn't even turn it on.

Just then 1,400 Syrian refuges climbed out of the hoover craft. Alex says he knows that they were Syrian because they told him so, as they took turns on his bulbous ass.

Alex says that this went on for hours and hours right in the parking lot. Patrons were coming and going but no one would lend a hand. He claims that there is photographic evidence of what he's saying because a fan recognized him and stopped to take a picture with Alex. Allegedly while Alex was being sodomized in the parking lot.

Related article: F*CK Alex Jones / InfoWars

He says that maybe the fan thought he was filming a movie or something. So if your reading this and took this photo in question please get in touch with Alex "I'm Crazy" Jones.

Oh and if you're one of the Syrian refugee aliens in the hoover craft, good goin'. And might I suggest that if you're into large flappy white asses, that you might also like Rush Limbaugh's bulbous ass.

I suggested to Alex if he really wanted proof, he might need legal help and a rape kit. And he screamed at me "no police, there in on it", then hung up the phone.

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